Hey everyone! Hope you have had a wonderful weekend. For my Game of Thrones fan I hope you weren’t too bummed out by the series finale! This weekend Bella and I went to the park for the first time. I think she had a good time 🙂
Without further ado, let me get on with the blog post.
The Story of the Twinkie
In our front yard there is a bush in which we affectionately call “The Twinkie”. The Twinkie, requires regular maintenance and grows to enormous height and width. Whenever you cut back The Twinkie, if you cut about an inch of the leaves it exposes the brown branches beneath them. Each year, The Twinkie grows in size. When its cut, enough is cut so the size is slightly reduced but enough of the green is left to make it look nice. As of late, I would need a ladder and considerable amount of time to trim it with an electric trimmer.
Today was the day I had enough. I took the electric trimmer and… went to town.
While I was going to town on the bush, the idea for this post came about. It started as learning what you can manage that lead into the following:
Knowing When to Quit
Quit is a very strong and undesirable word. To quit something holds quite a level of permanence to it. When you quit let’s say a job, the intent is to never go back and to move on to another job. Quitting also means change, leaving whats comfortable.
Maybe you have heard one of the following:
Winners never quit, and quitters never win
Keep going and never quit
Most people who succeed in the face of seemingly impossible conditions are people who simply don’t know how to quit
Anything worth having is worth fighting for
Quitting is a failure
There is a time and place for these words. But there is also a time and place when these words are not applicable.
So, when is it applicable?
If you find yourself compromising your core values and putting your mental and physical health at risk, then its time to quit.
Easier said than done right? You might be saying right now:
Its more complicated than that.
There are other factors at play.
I invested so much time.
I invested so much money.
Things happen, life happens. It’s all part of our learning experience. Knowing when to quit is not a weakness, its a strength to recognize that we have reached our threshold. Therefore, we aren’t really quitting, we aren’t a failure, we are simply learning.
This is applicable from career to relationships.
I have felt like a failure, on more than one occasion.
My degree in Instrumental Music Education for instance, I would have considered my biggest failure. Years of piano lessons, my parents investment in those lessons, years of college, the investment and chances my piano teachers took on me, only to not use my degree. What a waste.
But it wasn’t. I looked at the path piano and music took me on. How music helped propel me as student and academic scholar. The skills I obtained and lessons I received, was worth the journey. I stopped my path because I learned more about myself, and that being a Band Director was not my path. I saw the signs that it wasn’t going to work out but thought I owe it to the people who brought me here and I must simply work harder on it. When I got to be a student teacher in my last semester of college, I was miserable. By the time I got onto the podium to teach I was drained, I wanted off. Being a teacher, takes a special person, someone who is self-sacrificing, who expends energy like there is no tomorrow, someone who has to be more than ok with being at the center of attention, all this and adhering to the rules of the education system. Being a teacher just didn’t feel like who I truly was and being trying to be one, I was compromising who I was at my core. I did not want to negatively impact the children of the future by being one of those teachers who was unhappy in their job and didn’t perform to the best of their ability for the children. Music is an amazing art and I would not want to ruin it for anyone.
It has taken me awhile to look at this as not a failure, but something I learned instead. Does it hurt? Yes. Was it worth it? Yes. and so we keep going.
How to change the idea of quitting into a learning point
- Learn what you can manage
As much as we would like to multi task, if you can’t find time to take care of you or if a task compromises a part of you, then either find a way to make it work for you or move on. - Compromise
If something isn’t working out the way you want it to, find a way to make it work. At work, maybe ask for a task that is more inline with your goals, in a relationship, state your problem and see if you can compromise. - Move On
If compromising doesn’t work, then move on. Thank the experience for everything you have learned from it. Don’t feel like you’ve learned from the experience? Take a look again. Put yourself in the other person shoes, even if they broke up with you. Look at the challenges you were presented with, even if you didn’t feel like you did a good job on a project/assignment. You’d be surprised what you can learn.
So theres one part I need to address: Guilt
How do you deal with the guilt associated with quitting something? Besides just telling yourself that you learned more about yourself, think about what would have happened if you stayed in the position you were in. The way I see it, is that if you stay in a place in which you are unhappy, you make the people around you suffer, whether you realize it or not. Wouldn’t this world be such a better place if we truly lived to the best of our capabilities?
The way I look at it too is one day, we are all going to die. I know that got dark really fast but I have point. When things get going and times are bad I remind myself, when I die, how do I want my story to end? Do I really want to say I settled in my life? Or do I want to say that I let the challenges and bad things that have come my way propel me to be the best person I can be.
Now before I get back to the story of The Twinkie, I have one more point.
Quitting doesn’t apply to just a job or a relationship, it also extends to how you treat yourself. Your inner self talk, your way of living, you have the power to stop the negative self talk and end the negative way of living. You can end the negative cycle.
Back to the Twinkie
I went to town on The Twinkie, I was tired of spending so much time and energy on something that was increasingly unmanageable for me. I took it down to a height and width I could handle. When I had cut it back and exposed all of its brown branches, I was reminded how when you cut things out of your life and work on you, all the raw material is exposed. All the hurt, pain, you have to confront it directly. So like The Twinkie, it doesn’t look pretty but when its healed, it’ll be better than ever.
The Golden Gelly Nuggets
1. Quitting is learning about yourself and your limits
2. Don’t push yourself to the edge of what you can manage
3. Find ways to compromise
4. Move on if compromising isn’t an option
5. Don’t feel guilty about taking care of yourself
6. The journey may not be pretty but it will be worth it in the end
Coming soon from this blog to you!
Book Review of “Daring Greatly” by Brene Brown
Interviews with hopefully some of my friends
Podcast reviews
Benefits of Rowing
Benefits of Music
Got any ideas, comments or topics you’d like me to explore? Comment below or message in the contact page. I would love to hear your feedback!